apples she dreamt of
by crystallized cherry
Summary: satsuki dreamt of apples, several times, and they are connected to her life with kise ryouta.


**apples she dreamt of**  
kuroko no basuke © fujimaki tadatoshi. no profit is gained.

(a/n: shinee's life is a suitable background music when reading this. just a suggestion.)

* * *

Satsuki dreamt of sand, shore, and a basket of red apples.

She saw her feet soaked in foamy surface of waves. She felt the soft touch of ivory sand. She then found a basket of apples ditched on the shore, she pitied them. She collected three of them, but decided to bite one of them only and she didn't know why she threw the remaining. The choosing was natural, she couldn't find the reason. The apple was sweet, its red colour suddenly, changing into oranges or vermilion—no one could tell exactly—just like the scattered curves of sunset's reflection brought by waves. Yet, the process was slow. Until then, it become yellow. Withered.

Half bitten, the apple was becoming a trash again. Being thrown away behind her shoulder. She continued strolling.

All of sudden, her pace ceased. Her half-bitten apple she had just left behind was right before her toe. Instinctively, Satsuki took it.

It was slowly becoming red again. The yellowish gradation faded into the shade of sunset on its surface. Satsuki spun the apples in tardy motion, scrutinizing it.

"Eat me again, will you?" the apple talked, a pair of thin lips grew along with the eyes looking at Satsuki like a puppy. "I'm sweeter this time. I'm getting better. Just try me once again, Dear."

It was no unfamiliar occurence in her eyes for she undoubtedly planted her teeth on the fruit.

It was far more sweeter than ever.

.

Satsuki found Ryouta under the shadow of street light, snow on his sneakers and shoulders and a little bit on his blond fringe, smile curved, and fingers hidden over his pocket of coat. "Hi, Momocchi."

She took steps back. Her grip on her bag's strap tightened as her eyes unblinkedly planting gaze on his figure. No, above every single acquaintances she would like to meet accidentally in this night, he was on the nadir position.

Ryouta didn't give her any chance to answer nor to run away as he invited her tiny build into his hug. His whisper was like a freezing breeze on her left ear, "I didn't have any chance to tell you why did I left you just in that way. Please, please listen to me, Momocchi."

Some of her friends had known the words Satsuki used to describe his position in her heart after her being dumped by him in so-harsh way: I hate Ki-chan. So much. A lot. Had she been left without any goodbyes nor last words of separating. Nevertheless, heart was no expert in lying compared to lips. Deep in her heart, she was a loner waiting for his coming to her life once again. She could said she hated him, but at the same time her heart screaming out loud that love was still remain in the corner.

But what if he was just lying to leave her once again in more inappropriate way?

Satsuki pushed Ryouta. "No."

Her heels paced on the pavement fast.

Ryouta grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her suddenly and she almost fell onto the ground if he didn't hold her waist. By his grip there, he kept her steady in front of him.

"Please, be with me again. I promise I'm going to be better. I'll fix myself and can you help me to be my old self again?"

The more Satsuki lied to her own heart, the more imaginary spears pricked her chest. Now he was standing before her, with eyes reflecting his honesty she had been yearning of for years—and the small smile she still stored inside her heart, even though she had dated two boys after he had broken her heart—he had been being still her king.

What was she waiting for after the another _please_ escaping his lips?

And eventually, her heart was right to choose a choice of being with him again, because when returning his second embrace, she sensed scene of _home_. She felt like just returning from an exhausting journey, and the home welcomed her in the utmost right way; the sweetest—unprecedented way.

* * *

She dreamed of finding a way to a savanna, a faraway one from the town. Only a rocky road was the only one to meet the place. She found nothing, the solitary big tree and yellow weeds surrounding it were the exception.

One branch extended itself, moving freely like a hand, then motioning lower to reach Satsuki. The edge of branch was seven long brown fingers, scratched like old woods.

And the fingers presented her a golden apple.

"Thank you!"

The hand disappeared. Satsuki looked at the apple in amazement. The gold seemed real, as the apple had just been dyed with liquefied gold.

She hold the apple tight when running back from the savanna.

But she didn't realize it; the apple was so peculiar, like a sponge. Weak. Everyone could break it into a liquid in one grip only.

.

"I thought you hate doughnut with peanut topping, Momocchi."

"Who says so? I only love strawberry more."

"And you choose the coffee with lesser sugar one?"

"I just want to try healthier lifestyle."

He, who was across her on that third table of the cafe, chuckled. "Trying to consume less sugar, hm? But I'm in a plan to add more sugar to your life."

Satsuki stopped chewing, both of her eyebrows were raised. "What do you mean?"

"I want to marry you."

Seven months after getting back together in a winter night, he proposed to her.

But she didn't hear his sudden hiss behind her, and the way he staggered a bit when walking, when they exiting the cafe because of the euphoria echoing inside her mind, making her deaf to the other voice on the earth because all she was listening to was just his sweet words of proposing.

Ryouta felt a pang on his whole body. He sighed, now the time is getting nearer.

_Am I too late proposing to her?_

* * *

She found herself sitting on a cold floor. With Ryouta. With thousands red apples around.

"Let's build a palace with these, Momocchi."

It was so strange for her to hear someone's voice being this clear in the dreamland.

Ryouta gave her a try after he arranged some apples as the foundation. She put one by one of the apples between two ones he had just placed recently.

He laughed when she slipped one and made the construction fall down. But he would help her with holding her hand affectionately while she repair the impairment she had just caused.

If she had to describe the happiness, she couldn't. She thought no words on her vocabulary matched the situation.

.

"You can take half of my savings to add them to yours, so that we can buy our very own house after getting married, as soon as possible."

Ryouta showed his smirk, later changing into a silly smile. "Just save it to buy flowers and bonsais. You love it, right? And you must be loving it to have a little garden on our front or back yard."

"But what's the use of having a garden while we don't have any places to sleep, to eat, to put TV and fridge or anything?"

Ryouta chuckled. "I have bought one."

"... What?"

"Secretly."

And the talk was being continued its way after she surprised him with a sudden hug. What they would ride from home to workplace, since the house was located on downtown, they agreed on having a train to go there since riding car there would take more time, they calculated it all. They also discussed what she would put on their yard; she loved roses and he didn't mind pink to fulfill their little palace's yard, so she noted on her agenda that they would buy three pots of pink roses.

Did they not forget the furnitures. Green couch, red bed, and yellow curtain. Satsuki disliked figures but he did like them—but she agreed at the decision that he would put his collection on his private working room only.

"But I want to put the book collection in our bedroom—"

"No," he replied, with shaking head. "Having book storage in the room will make you read a lot of books before sleep."

"What's wrong with that?"

"When you are going to sleep, you eyes are tired. If you read when actually you need a rest, you will get sick."

The undeniably battle of arguments it was.

"I have been doing that for years and thankfully I haven't had to use glasses."

"It'll getting worse if you do it continuously."

She sighed. Everything would come to no end if none taking the wise decision.

"Alright. You are concerning my condition. I get it. Okay, then how about placing it in your working room?"

Oh darl, his room was going to be occupied by more stuffs than expected. Now this? But Ryouta thought what she was going to do was better than crushing his ideology. "Okay, it has settled. We will put it in my working room."

"Then, do you love paintings, Ki-chan?"

"I don't mind any. But I prefer natural drawing ones than anything."

"Ah, me too. I will buy some after this. My old friend is going to move to America. She asked me if I love paintings because she is going to sell it in half of its original price. She doesn't want to bring a lot of stuffs there."

"Mm where shall we put them? In our bedroom?"

"She offered me three, one for each most favorite room, okay? Bedroom, dining room and our living room."

"Who am I to disagree?"

"Who you are?" she smirked a little, "You are the home that I want to decorate with my everything."

"Then it means that you are my garden that I want to grow with my love which I will pour to you everyday."

They laughed before she kissed him on the cheek.

* * *

She dreamt of finding one green apple, four red ones, and three pink-ish apples in a winter night.

.

"We have decided everything, which wedding organizer we are going to hire, the place, the color theme, but how about the date, Ki-chan?"

Ryouta's appearing smile synchronized with the forming frown on Satsuki's facade. "I do have the suggestion."

"Why do you make it as secret?"

"Hey, the idea was just came up. I have thought about it for a long time, then last night I found the great date to hold our wedding day."

"Is it that good?"

"January fourth, and the wedding will be started at three o'clock."

"Ki-chan, it isn't even our dating anniversary day," Satsuki pinched his cheek, slightly amused by his suffering visage.

"Come on, think further, Momocchi. January is the first month. In number, it is one. The date is four. The time is three o'clock. Three. One-four-three. In English, it means I-Love-You. Just count the letters in each words. Haven't I told you this fact once before?"

* * *

She dreamed of humming a soft melody under an apple tree, and some fell down onto her lap. She frowned, but didn't stop mumbling the lyrics of her favorite songs. She took one.

The half part of the apple was rotten.

.

"Don't force yourself too much, Ki-chan," Satsuki encircled her arm around his waist when he brought her to his parents' house to cook the dinner for his dad and mom—who had been on their way home after coming back from oversea.

"I'm exactly fine~"

"Liar," placed her back of hand on his neck and forehead, she sensed the abnormality. His temperature wasn't like usual. Satsuki pursed her lips, shaking her head, sighing. "I've told you, I can handle some preparations, too. Don't take everything by yourself only."

Ryouta giggled. Commonly, his giggle was something she couldn't resist, she would pinch his cheek as reciprocation. But at this time, it wasn't a good choice to stop her from mumbling protests.

"See? Now you seem sick. Go to doctor before bringing me home. Your body is kinda—Ki-chan? Ki-chan, you nose is bleeding!"

Ryouta covered his nose immediately. He cleaned the blood before she offered tissue. No, not this time. Please.

Satsuki was cleansing the remaining stain around his philtrum when he felt his head become so heavy and he saw the world was spinning around him. A force was banging his head from inside and it made him unable to open his eyes at all.

Ryouta collapsed in Satsuki's arm, without any chance to hear her panic scream calling his name—she almost burst into tears.

Hospital was the one and only destination she intended at the moment. She drove his car recklessly, in fast speed. Her fingers trembling, unable to hold the steering wheel properly, her eyes teary.

In hospital, she couldn't wait for the result of initial examination applied to him in the intensive care unit. She also couldn't bear the suspicion growing in her head after accidentally hearing one of the doctors muttered something on her arrival bringing him minutes ago, "Oh, this boy again. Poor him, it looks like that this is the worst." The using of 'again' contained the particular meaning. It meant that he had been visiting hospital for numerous times, hadn't he? Why did she not know the fact, then?

She bit her nail, didn't care that she had just put nice nail painting there the day before. She did it harder when a young woman in white coat approaching her, "Are you a relative of Kise Ryouta-san?"

"Yes, I am. What exactly happened to him?"

"He was a regular patient here. He was suffering from leukemia and seems like the disease is getting worse. We have to take serious action over his deteriorating condition."

Her feet couldn't support her, she reflectedly reaching wall to keep her steady. If nightmare was only a dream, then why it felt so real this time?

Ryouta gained his consciousness six hours later, in dawn, where she couldn't even take a nap.

"I left you before because I don't want to be a cause for your suffering. If you be with me, then ... I think I can't make you happy in your entire life. But later, a doctor told me—that it is better for me to spend my remaining time—even it is so short—with a person I love the most. Having that person in my life may be a factor to ascend opportunity to live longer healthily."

"You are so wrong, Ki-chan. I won't let you suffer alone anymore. I won't let you be egoistic anymore in deciding what will make me happy. I will help you in this time, you hear me? Now it's my turn to take action. Don't force yourself too much. I'll cancel every preparation and—"

"Everything but it, Momocchi," he gently placed his palm on her damp cheek, cupping her face gently. "I'll be better in no time so we still can hold our wedding ceremony in time."

"Don't be stubborn—"

"Please."

Satsuki's gaze softened, and hints of tears' appearing started to show themselves on Satsuki's eyes. She put her hand on his, holding the fingers caressing her cheek.

"My time is limited. I have been suffering from this for a long period. I do know that my chance of survival is getting slimmer and slimmer ... and I don't want to die without ever having you as my bride formally."

* * *

She dreamed of eating sour apples. She was given a basket full of them but ninety percent of them are painfully bitter or sour.

Three were remained, then she found honey pot on the bottom of the basket. She took them without any second thought—pouring it to the apples since she was so hungry and exhausted and needed supply for her limp body.

But the honey was more bitter.

.

Seven days after the accident, everything they had settled was going on just as the schedule. He forced himself with encouragement he did alone inside his heart, and helped by some expensive medicines the doctor gave. He didn't want to spend a lot of time waiting on the bed—he had to do something regarding his own happiness.

And hers.

Because she said that she didn't regret anything marrying the one who was sick with acute disease. Because she loved him. A lot. She said that even she couldn't be with him for a longer time period, then she would be glad to be the last person he looked at before he closed his eyes in a term of 'forever'.

The two kept his condition as a secret from others, because if they didn't do it, everyone would have talked about it in their precious day. No, he didn't want it at all. He wanted to be happy even though it was just for one day.

"Where are you two going for your honeymoon?"

"It is—"

"Secret!" Satsuki answered the first question they had after the formal part of the ceremony. Her fingers never left his arm even when they wandering around to receive greetings and congratulations and teasing smiles from relatives and acquaintances.

"We can't tell you guys but—mm yeah, we are going to go to a certain places and—having fun! Yes, having fun!"

Having fun in hospital, she meant. He was scheduled to receive some serious treatments right after the wedding.

The day was very incredible, and she was in deep euphoria.

But he collapsed in the morning after their big day. He reached his limit.

Eventually, of course, the honeymoon started in hospital bed. He was conscious and seemed well and laughing with her but everything didn't look right and nice at all. She noticed that he was thinner and his blond hair was so weak. Some of it fell miserably when she clutched her fingers on the back of his head when they shared an arduorous kiss on lips—at the time without any nurses nor doctors around.

"Sacchi," he decided to call her with that shortened nickname after they had tied the knot. He was propping on his bedside, face looked tired but the smile never left his face. Their fingers was intertwining on the edge of bed.

"Mm?"

"I'm so sorry."

"You haven't done any big mistakes, Ryou-chan," her lips curved slightly, still didn't accustomed to the nickname but she found it cute. "Except spilling orange juice to my shirt yesterday."

He ruffled her hair, and planted his lips on her temple. "Forgive me for still haven't give you a gift such as honeymoon. Instead, I bring you to this place."

Satsuki shook her head, she brought his hand which had an IV placed there. She kissed it, deep. "I'm fine because I love you."

There was no any single person except them in the room, then he decided to return her kiss on her lips. Soft, yet lasted long.

Tears streamed down her cheek when she hold the fallen hair of his in her left hand, when she held for his nape to keep his position.

* * *

She dreamed of seeing the apple tree withered. Some of the branches scattered on the ground. The leaves were yellow. The tree lost its hope.

An apple appeared magically from her palm. The apple was shining. She lifted her hand, presenting the fruit, and watching how the branch reached for it. The apple was absorbed. Slowly, the broken part grew once more, the withered leaves turned into green again, and the tree stood high again.

One apple showed itself on Satsuki's palm again. The tree took it as before. This was going repeatedly.

Finally, she realized that the more apples given, the more herself getting fade.

Half of body became transparent when half of the tree came back to life.

.

He had been on hospital for a week, but the doctors and nurses just came and went to examine and to give the ordinary medicines without further acts to cure him. So far, the most serious treatment they had taken was only applying radiation therapy to damage the cancer cells growing inside him.

Satsuki decided to approach the main doctor taking care of him. Asked what bothered her.

"Actually there is one thing hindering us from doing more act to help him," the doctor held his breath, "We haven't had the right donor for his hematopoietic cell. Radiation therapy doesn't help much. His cancer cells is kind of ... wild."

"Please consider me for being a donor. When will I take the examination to check whether I am compatible with the qualification needed or not?"

* * *

She dreamed of sitting on river bank. The apple tree was across the river, unreachable. Each of the apples grew a pair of eyes and thin lips. From the far, they called for Satsuki. She didn't know why she automatically shook her head, but she did it anyway.

She could witness people gathered under the tree, danced happily, laughed together, and asked the tree to join. One of them pick one apple, and bit it, "Whoa, this is really sweet!"

She just smiled watching it.

.

She was fit to be a donor. The doctor prepared everything for the surgery, and she regretted nothing.

She asked a permit from him saying that she would have a meet up with her old pals, hiding the fact that she was going to an operation, that she was the one who would have the doctors transplant her cells on him.

He gladly receive the news that he would gain more hope in life after the transplantation the doctors planned.

"So that I can live happily with Sacchi," he said with glint of happiness shining from his eyes.

The doctors was succeeded taking her cells.

But an unpredictable occurence happened.

"Her heartbeat! This is dangerous!"

The sound indicator voiced heard like a horror.

* * *

"Sacchi?"

"... Sacchi?"

"Sacchi!"

The one he found at his very first time opening his eyes after the transplantation was Satsuki's mother.

"Ryouta-kun! Finally—oh, thank God!"

"Where is ... my Sacchi?"

The mother smiled. Hint of bitterness found, but it wasn't a clue he was aware of. "She wanted to give you this after you gain your consciousness," she showed a basketfull of red apples. "Thankfully you got up before they get rotten. I just bought them last night."

Ryouta finally remembered something, something she told before his operation had happened.

"Does she still have another meet up with her friends?"

"... Ah, yes, she is with her greatest friend right now."

"Who is her friend? But I want to meet her now. I want my Sacchi."

"He is her closest friend. God. Satsuki is with God now, Ryouta-kun."


End file.
